When I Finally Find the Words to Say
by Asterisked
Summary: Takes place after Volume 7 Chapter 5. After Masaki's interference, Morinaga leaves Souichi, seemingly for good. Souichi has no idea where Morinaga has gone, and after months of solitude and a heavy heart, Souichi receives some information about Morinaga's whereabouts.


(hey guys, I was a loser and forgot to upload the rest of my old Tyrant fics...thankfully a very kind individual sent me a message to remind me, so here is another fic dump! this was partially inspired by the Maroon 5 song "Runaway", which is where the title is from) Enjoy!

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Souichi stood shakily, his legs planted apart, feet firm against the floor, as he yelled after the interfering blonde man.

"Hey, Masaki! Oi!" He barked. There was nothing stopping Souichi from chasing after him and either throttling him or stopping him from comforting Morinaga, and yet Souichi did not move from where he stood. He simply stared as the apartment door slowly closed on its own, the decisive click of the latch seemingly sealing his own choice.

_Well_, he thought as he pried his feet from the floor and walked shakily back to the kitchen counter, _maybe it's better this way. Even though that Masaki hurt Morinaga before, Morinaga apparently doesn't seem to mind hanging out with him. _ Souichi reached for the coffee pot on the counter before him, his chest feeling tight and guilty. He got the feeling that he should take Masaki's words into consideration and go after Morinaga, but something was stopping him. Souichi just…couldn't. _I can't. I can't go out there after all that I said…maybe when he comes back, I'll apologize. _

He leaned against the counter, and crossed his arms. A glance at the clock on the wall opposite told him it was almost eight. _Hmph, I imagine he'll be back soon…_

After an hour of standing and tapping an impatient foot, Souichi let out a frustrated sigh and decided to go to bed. _I'll wake up when he gets in._ _I must need sleep or something…my chest hurts. Maybe I'm getting a cold…_

After brushing his teeth, Souichi clambered into his pajamas and slid under the covers of his bed. He wiggled around on the mattress, trying to find a comfortable spot, and failed. He eventually settled for lying on his back with his arms and legs spread loosely across the mattress. Souichi then stared wide-eyed at his dark ceiling, his eyes annoyingly alert.

"I'm not tired." He said aloud, his words quickly eaten by the darkness of the room. He found himself listening for a familiar rustle of sheets in the room next to his, and shook his head bitterly. _ I must be nuts, _he thought as he stubbornly closed his eyes and tried to think of nothing.

This tactic must have worked, or Souichi was more tired than he thought, because when he next opened his eyes it was the early morning and sunlight was streaming through the gaps in his blinds. Souichi sat up in his bed, his hair a mat around his head as he groped for his glasses on the night table by his bed. Shoving them on his face, he leapt from the mattress and wrenched open the bedroom door. He stalked out into the hallway, looking and listening for his kouhai, and seeing and hearing exactly nothing.

He padded curiously into the kitchen, and spotted the coffee pot, half snatched out of the machine, just as he had left it the night before. Frowning, Souichi went to the entrance and saw only his scuffed shoes on the doormat.

"He didn't come back at all! What a wuss!" Souichi spat, and walked to the washroom, furious. _Well, fine, if he doesn`t want an apology, he`s not going to get one! I guess he spent the night with Masaki. _Souichi felt his eyebrow twitch in irritation as he turned on the shower. _Whatever. I'll just chew him out after school, assuming he decides to grace me with his presence ever again._

But when Souichi unlocked the door to the apartment later that day, he found the space disturbingly quiet. Souichi hadn't seen Morinaga all day at the university, so when he arrived home, Souichi had guessed he would see his kouhai there, fumbling and nervous, like he usually was after a fight. Unfortunately, all Souichi found of Morinaga was a strange piece of paper on the kitchen counter. Not even bothering to take off his coat and shoes, Souichi picked it up, feeling the slightly damp texture. An odd lump forming in his throat, he read the hasty words written in tear-stained ink:

_Sempai, _

_I see now your feelings concerning us will never change. I had carried this foolish thought that you might one day carry the same love for me that I do for you, but you've made me realize this will never be. I'm leaving, Sempai, this time for good. I'm not coming back. I've resigned from the university, and have packed my things. You won't see me again, I promise. _

_I'm not stupid. I know that you want us to continue to be friends. But, honestly Sempai, I can't stand it any longer. I'll never be just your friend, and if I can't be with you like my heart tells me to, I need to be able to heal and forget. Please, give me this opportunity to get over you. Don't look for me. _

_Thanks for putting up with me so long. Good luck in your future, Sempai. Say bye to Kanako-chan for me, will you?_

_-Tetsuhiro Morinaga_

Souichi was finding it very hard to breathe. The letter crushed in one hand, he stormed into Morinaga's room, only to find it devoid of all clothes and personal belongings. All that was left was a stripped bed and an empty dresser. Souichi blinked, and suddenly his breath rushed back into his lungs in a single, ragged inhale. He stood in Morinaga's bedroom doorway for a few thick moments, his breathing irregular, until some sense returned and he stormed over to the cordless phone beside Morinaga's empty bed.

Souichi punched in a number from memory, which instantly went to voicemail. "_Hi, you've reached Tetsuhiro Morinaga, please leave a mes-" _Souichi pressed the END button and, after checking the digits on the phone's memory, immediately dialled another number. This time the phone was answered after two rings.

"Hello?"

"Morinaga Kunihiro?" Souichi snapped into the receiver.

"Yes, who may I ask is calling?" Kunihiro asked, suspicious of his hostile-sounding caller.

"Tatsumi Souichi, T-Tetsuhiro's sempai at school." Souichi winced at having to use his Morinaga's first name.

"Oh, you." Kunihiro's polite tone turned abruptly icy. "What do you want?"

"Do you know where Tetsuhiro went?"

"Yes. But I've been told not to tell you." Kunihiro stated, sounding oddly smug.

"WHAT!? Tell me right now where he is, so that I can pummel him!" Souichi barked, glaring down at the receiver.

He heard a sigh on the other end of the phone. "No, Tatsumi-kun, I won't be doing that. I feel terrible for how I've treated Tetsuhiro over the years, and I very much want to make it up to him. If he says not to tell you, then I won't, for his sake. He sounded pretty upset when he called me, and if this was because of you, it really doesn't make me want to tell you anything concerning my brother. Good day." _Click._

Souichi stared dumbstruck at the phone as it emitted the dial tone, his anger growing by the second. "Bastard," he hissed, and punched in another number. This time it was a friend of Morinaga's from school, who told Souichi a similar story. Just as Souichi was about to chew her off, she added in an irritated huff, "It's your fault anyways, Tatsumi-sempai. If you hadn't been so heartless, we wouldn't have lost a valuable friend and colleague. I hope for your sake you grow up." And then she had hung up, leaving Souichi even more red-faced and twitching than Kunihiro had.

Growling under his breath, he stalked to the apartment entrance, tearing up Morinaga's note into six rough pieces and dropping them onto the floor as he walked. He wrenched open the door and stepped outside, quickly locking the knob behind him and taking off down the apartment complex steps. He somehow made it across the street and down the sidewalk until he was in front of a discreet bar entrance a few minutes later. The only giveaway that this was a place Souichi feared was the "Gay Bar" sign placed neatly outside the door. Gulping and feeling sweat forming on his temple, he strode forward and pulled open the door.

Inside was nearly empty, for being close to suppertime. The only other man inside, much to Souichi's immense relief, was a burgundy-haired individual quietly drying a glass behind the bar counter. He looked up when Souichi crept inside, his eyes widening appreciatively at Souichi's lovely form.

"Hello there, hun! Are you new? I don't think I've seen you in here before!" He gave Souichi a cheery smile, although there was something somber behind his expression, as though he had recently been given some bad news. Souichi didn't even know where to start with this guy. He was so obviously homo, and he had immediately gotten Souichi wrong. Of course, Souichi _was_ in this kind of bar, but…

"I'm not a homo!" He snapped, and rapidly regretted it when a look of understanding crossed the other man's face.

"Ah. You must be Tatsumi-kun." He said, giving Souichi another one-over. The red-haired man let out a huff of acknowledgement, as though he approved of something.

"Yeah…how'd you know?" Souichi said cautiously, keeping his distance. _I don't like this. _

"I'm Hiroto, a friend of Tetsuhiro-kun's. He would come here quite often and chat with me…most of the time about you." Hiroto said, returning his gaze to the glass in his hand. He finished drying it while Souichi stared at him in astonishment.

"Me? Why…I mean, what did he talk about?" Souichi asked, curiosity momentarily overriding his search for his kouhai.

Hiroto let out an amused chuckle and Souichi felt his anger flare_. I wish he'd stop with the all-knowing noises!_

"Well, Tatsumi-kun, more often than not he would come in feeling hurt and confused, and I would do my best to make the pain go away." He grabbed a bottle of something and let the contents swish loudly, a gesture Souichi understood instantly.

"Okay, so you got him sauced. What in particular was he upset about?" Souichi felt himself asking, even though he was sure he knew. He took part in his and Morinaga's strange relationship, after all.

"Oh, I did more than get him drunk," Hiroto said airily, reaching for another wet glass to dry.

"_What_." Souichi stated flatly, not quite lifting the end of the word enough to pose it as a question. Something inside of himself dreaded Hiroto's words.

"Ya see, if _you_ didn't feel like satisfying him physically, I'd help him out." Hiroto turned and looked Souichi dead in the eye. "I always got the impression it cheered him up right away."

Flames irrupted in Souichi's chest, stinging and burning him in a way he had never felt before. He suddenly felt the overpowering urge to rush over to the smirking man and crush his throat. Souichi raised one foot and let it bring his body slowly forward, his gaze trained on the man before him. Wordless pain filled his head and scalded his chest as he thought of Hiroto and Morinaga doing _those_ things together…

Hiroto gulped as he took in the bespectacled man's dangerous aura and flashing eyes. He immediately understood why Morinaga would sometimes come to the bar close to weeping.

"Hold up, Tatsumi-kun, I was only kidding! We never did that stuff, believe me. I did offer once in a while, but was always rejected. Tetsuhiro-kun only wanted you."

Souichi heard the words through a wall of concrete, but somehow their meaning penetrated it and Souichi's knees grew uselessly weak. His legs gave way and he sank to the cool floor, his rage slowly fading until all that was left was embarrassment and the awful feeling of guilt.

"Now, I realize that was kinda mean of me, especially during this situation, but….what did you feel just now, Tatsumi-kun? Like you wanted to hurt me? Why would that be, do you think?"

Souichi just stared at the floor in front of him and let himself feel miserable. _What _was_ that?_ _Why did I get so upset? Because Morinaga might have been fooling around with someone else? That's dumb. I didn't get mad when Masaki went after him and insinuated that he'd make Morinaga feel better… _A small voice in the back of Souichi's brain whispered: _It's because you trusted Morinaga not to do that kind of thing behind your back.._

"Where is he?" Souichi mumbled, feeling like absolute shit.

Hiroto shook his head sadly and came around the counter, placing the glass and towel he had in his hands onto the flat surface. He bent down next to Souichi and placed a careful hand on his stiffened back. "I'm sorry, Tatsumi-kun, but I can't tell you that. He asked me not to, and no offense, but I don't really want him to feel so bad any more….If taking you out of the picture is what he needs, then so be it, hmm?" Hiroto took away his hand and walked back behind the counter. He stared vacantly at the stool directly in front of him and gave a dejected sigh.

"I'm sure going to miss him…" Hiroto said, and at that Souichi couldn't take it anymore. Finding strength in his legs supplied by the urge to leave, he stood and left the bar without a word. Once outside, he gulped in the fresh air of the outdoors, and spotting a bench across the street, proceeded to make his way over. He thumped down onto the worn wooden seat, and leaned back, closing his eyes.

_He's gone. _

Chapter 2

2 Months Later

Souichi sat dejectedly at the familiar table in the school lab, his face in one hand as he absentmindedly fiddled with a microscope's magnification knob with the other. After several minutes of this, he looked down at the slide broken under the too-close lens, twisted the knob on the side of the microscope, and brushed the glass from the illuminated plate. He swatted the pieces of glass into a small garbage can by his feet, where several other broken slides sat glinting in the laboratory lights.

"Wow, Tatsumi-sempai, that's the third slide you've broken today…" His lab assistant said, eyeing Souichi with the same mixture of fear and concern that he did every day. When Souichi had put in a request for another assistant after Morinaga had been gone for a week, he had cared less who would be helping him. Even now Souichi still had no idea what this man's name was, even though Souichi was sure he'd heard it several times during the past couple of months.

"Yeah, well, get me a new one." Souichi muttered, and The Lab Assistant Who Wasn't Morinaga went off to do as instructed. Souichi sighed and watched as the idiot fiddled around in the slide box, making sure to find a completely spotless one, as Souichi would berate him otherwise. In actuality, Souichi would harp on him no matter what he did. The kid was a fine assistant, but Souichi didn't like him at all. It felt like he was tainting the air of the lab, somehow. Of course, it might be better if Souichi actually tried to do some research, but all ambitions and motivation had left him months ago. He came into the lab each day and did nearly nothing; at this rate, he was surprised that they hadn't thrown him out of the university. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't concentrate on his work.

Souichi stood up, and looked over as Morinaga happily handed him a fresh slide. Souichi's eyes widened in surprise as he took in his kouhai's familiar face and his heart felt that familiar tug of loss, until his eyes focused enough to notice he was being delusional. His new assistant handed him the slide, not Morinaga. The man's Not At All Like Morinaga's face was looking at Souichi nervously, as it always did during Souichi's random flashback moments.

"You know what? You keep it. I'm going home for the day." Souichi said, adjusting his glasses uncomfortably and tossing off his lab coat. He grabbed his bag by the door and burst out of the lab, leaving his assistant feeling relieved and a lot safer with the older man gone.

Souichi fell asleep on the train ride back to the apartment, his head lolling around on his shoulder with each bump. He dreamed that he was riding this very train with someone else, someone who sat beside him radiating comforting warmth after a rough day at the school. He jerked awake as the train lurched into the station, and he wobbled out of the vehicle along with a dozen or so other people. Eventually he reached the apartment and, once inside, stood as still as a statue as he took in the absolute emptiness of the area. It hadn't changed in the slightest during the time Morinaga had been gone, but it now felt so hollow and cold that Souichi felt like he lived in a prison. His feet took him to Morinaga's room, and he opened the door. A gust of air washed over Souichi's face as the door pulled in, and he was hit with a wave of longing as his kouhai's familiar smell entered his nostrils. He slammed the door closed with a gasp, the near constant companion of the lump in his throat making its daily appearance.

I miss him… Souichi thought, the ache in his chest throbbing in agreement. But there's nothing I can do. I've tried everything, I've looked everywhere I thought he could be, I've called everyone he knew…nothing. He's such an…asshole..

Taking a hitching breath, Souichi tried to calm himself down before threatening water leaked from his eyes. Souichi found himself in tears more often during those past few months than he ever had been in his whole life, and it both embarrassed him and made him feel worse. Somehow, knowing that Morinaga was out there, alive and hating him, felt so much more terrible than Souichi remembered feeling when Morinaga had taken off after their first time together. Unable to understand or get rid of the horrible pain in his chest, he had succumbed to tears many times.

Determined not to do so this time, Souichi spun around and walked to the kitchen for supper. He opened the cupboard and pulled out a cup ramen, glaring at it as he set it down on the counter and grabbed the kettle. His meals had also definitely taken a downhill slide in terms of quality since Morinaga left. Souichi often ate out for food, and when he didn't have enough money, he'd settle for cheap, unhealthy substitutions such as ramen.

After a few minutes Souichi took his supper into the living room area and plunked down onto the couch. He stabbed his chopsticks into the salty noodles and crammed some into his mouth, coughing at the excessive heat of the water.

As he chewed he looked down at the small table in front of him. Morinaga's note lay on it, crumpled and awkwardly taped together. Newer tear stains blurred the letters in some places. Finishing his meal, Souichi placed the empty ramen cup on the table and reached for the letter. He read it for the hundredth time, going over the same sentences that he knew should be right but felt horribly wrong. Souichi had tried to understand his feelings of guilt, longing, loss, and something else over the past few months, but failed. As his daily interactions with people decreased and he found himself talking less and less, it occurred to Souichi that Morinaga had been a big influence in his life in terms of his sociability. Souichi really had no other friends. That has to be it, he thought, that has to be why I feel this way. So useless, so wrong…

"Morinaga, you jerk…" The words slid from Souichi's lips, and he felt sorrier for himself than he ever had before.

He was in bed only an hour later, lost in a dream much happier than his real life. Souichi was walking in a sunlit park, feeling the rays of light on his skin and smelling the rich earth of the ground below his feet. He was perfectly content, walking in the nature that he so loved, admiring the life around him. Something along the path he traveled on caught his eye, and he jogged along the dirt until he approached it. It ended up being a human leg, dressed in jeans and the foot clad in a white sneaker. The leg disappeared into the brush at the side of the path, just at the knee. Suspicious, Souichi kicked the leg, and it twitched in pain.

"Ow!" Cried a voice from the bushes and Souichi jumped in surprise. Out of the brush came the rest of the body attached to the leg, and naturally, it was his kouhai.

"Morinaga!" Souichi snapped, annoyed. Why was he there, ruining his lovely walk?

"Hello, Sempai." Morinaga said, his voice entering Souichi's ears and rattling his brain like he himself had been kicked.

"Why are you here? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Souichi found himself yelling, and reached out to grab the man's shirt. His fingers fell through the material, as though Morinaga was not really there at all.

Morinaga's expression grew sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Sempai. I can never really leave you. I'll always be an obstruction in your otherwise straight path..."

Souichi gulped and trembled. "How do I get rid of you? How can I live my life with you here stopping me?!" He sank to his knees and put his face into his hands, blocking out the light of the path and the image of his kouhai in front of him. He could only see darkness.

Morinaga's voice reached him as the dream spun and began to dissolve. "You can't, Sempai. Please try to understand why…."

Souichi jerked awake, gasping and blinking into the light of the early morning. I don't know why, Morinaga. I can't tell you what's wrong with me when I don't even understand myself…

Later that day, Souichi was on his way to the cafeteria to eat lunch when something incredible floated into his eardrums.

"…Morinaga…"

Stopping dead in his tracks, he turned his head and intently listened for the direction of the voice that spoke of his kouhai. Since the man had left, everyone at the university had seemingly taken precautions not to talk about Morinaga whenever Souichi was around; or at least, that's what Souichi assumed since it would be weird to never talk about their past colleague, as though the man never existed.

Souichi crept up an approaching corner in the hallway and peeked around it. Aha! There were two female friends of Morinaga's, huddled close together and whispering. Souichi went back around the corner and listened as hard as he possibly could, rigid as a statue as to not make a single sound.

"..doing, anyway?" One of the girls said in a hushed voice, concern in her words.

"I guess he's doing all right…he said it was really tough the first few weeks, since he missed Tatsumi-sempai so much…" The other girl replied, sounding as though she relished the gossip.

"But he's better now?"

"Well, I guess he's got himself another man! He sounded pretty happy about it on the phone when I called him…"

Souichi felt as though he got punched in the chest. He's dating someone already?

"That's great! Where'd he meet him?" The first girl asked, sounding a bit relieved.

"I'm not sure, although I hear they have a lot of gay bars in Canada, so maybe at one of those...?"

CANADA?! Souichi thought in triumph and relief. He's in Canada? He went there? What a little fucker. But I know where he is now! If only they'd say where exactly…Canada's kind of a big place… Although Souichi had a suspicion he knew already where in the country his kouhai was hiding.

"Yeah! Apparently Vancouver has a lot of those. But anyways, does he…"

Souichi did not stick around to hear the rest. He turned heel and ran back down the hallway he came from, his mind buzzing with this fresh news, his heart both heavy and excited at the same time.

As his loud footsteps banged through the corridors, they reached the ears of the two gossiping students, and they grinned.

"You think he heard?"

"Oh yeah. Didn't you hear him take off? Man, he really needed that. I know we told Morinaga-san we wouldn't breathe a word to Tatsumi-san, but…"

"I know. Tatsumi-san is a wreck. He so obviously can't function without Morinaga-san!"

The two giggled and set off to eat their lunches, both proud with how well their scheme had worked.

Chapter 3

After several days of arranging his trip, Souichi was now on his way to Vancouver. He was stuffed in a jet along with several other passengers, each uncomfortable in their own ways. Souichi was squished awkwardly against the window, his shoulder touching the cool class. The man sitting next to him was of a considerable girth; he took up the entirety of his space, as well as some of Souichi's. Thankfully for this portly individual Souichi was too preoccupied to get pissed off at his seating arrangements. He had a dilemma on hand: now that he was on his way to see Morinaga…what would he say to the guy? It was true that Souichi wanted Morinaga back, but how could he phrase it in such a way that Morinaga might accept him? The guy is impossible. He left over a stupid fight, after all.

There was also the strangely disturbing matter of Morinaga having a new boyfriend. Souichi felt a pang of irritation whenever he thought of it, but he attributed these feelings more towards Morinaga's flightiness than anything else. I guess he couldn't have 'loved' me so much if it only took a few months to find someone else to fuck, he thought with a huff. NOT that it matters who he fucks.

Souichi looked out the window at the night sky, placing his face in his hand as he thought. The silvery tops of the clouds were oddly mesmerizing, and Souichi found his eyelids getting very heavy. NO! I can't fall asleep! If I wake up and I'm there, I won't know what to sa-

He awoke several hours later, the sound of the landing gear extending snapping him from his dreamless slumber. Souichi grumbled and adjusted his crooked glasses, looking around to make sure no one had watched him sleep. Reassured that nobody cared that he had snoozed his way to Canada, Souichi stood with his usual amount of dignity and exited the plane along with everyone else.

An hour later he was standing outside the airport with his luggage, waiting for his ride to show up. He shifted uncomfortably, not enjoying the weird stares that he was getting from the people who chose to get taxis. Well, I would have gotten one if I knew enough English to know how to ask for one! He thought bitterly, but brightened considerably when his colleague drove up next to him and rolled the window down.

"Hello Tatsumi-kun!"

"Kondou-san, thanks for coming to get me." Souichi heaved his things into the small car and flopped inside the passenger seat.

"It was no problem! How have you been, anyways? Why the sudden visit?"

"Oh, well, there's someone I need to bring back to Japan. He's an idiot kouhai of mine."

"Ah." Was all Kondou had to say about that, and as they pulled out of the airport Souichi found himself thankful for Kondou's lack of real interest.

"Well, not much has changed here since you left, " Kondou said as they stopped at a red light a few minutes later, "Kate's experiments ended successfully, which was a real relief, you remember how worried she was over that? Let's see…what else…oh, we got fresh blood at the labs. A young guy, he's pretty good kid, maybe a few years younger than you, Tatsumi-kun. Japanese too!"

Souichi nodded like he was paying attention, his thoughts entirely on his upcoming meeting with Morinaga. He needed to get to his hotel and set up his laptop so that he could begin the search for his kouhai online. I hope he's at least registered for a university here. It would be a lot easier to find him then…

"..name was something like Morinata….or…"

But even if he's in a university, do they usually post the names of their students online? No, Souichi, that's stupid. I wonder if I should just go to some universities in this city and ask around….

"…no, was it Morikata?...That doesn't seem right either…."

Souichi let out a frustrated sigh. Maybe I should have thought of a game plan first before just rushing here.

"Wait! I remember, his name is Morinaga! Nice kid."

Souichi jerked his face away from where it had been facing the window, and turned it towards Kondou, sweat building quickly on his forehead.

"Did you say his name was Morinaga?!" Souichi spat, eyes wide with disbelief.

Kondou jumped, and the car swerved slightly. "Y-yes, Tatsumi-kun, why?"

It might not be him, Souichi reminded himself in an effort to calm down, it could be another Morinaga. It's not an uncommon name…

"Is his first name Tetsuhiro?" He asked, trying to keep his voice as neutral sounding as possible. Apparently it didn't work, because Kondou visibly swallowed before answering:

"…I think it was, actually…"

Souichi let out a bark of dry laughter, a feeling of incredulity washing over his body. Well, isn't this just so convenient. I guess I found him sooner than I thought.

"Kondou, can you take me to the university instead of the hotel?"

XxX

All too quickly they were parked outside the familiar building, and Souichi was slowly stepping out of the car. He turned and faced the laboratory, the early morning sun shining into his eyes. He took a deep, steadying breath. Suddenly, I'm nervous. Why? His knees feeling annoyingly weak, he leaned against the side of the car and continued to take deep breaths.

"..Souichi-kun, are you all right?" Kondou asked, coming over to him and placing a hesitant hand on Souichi's shoulder.

"Yeah…I guess I'm just tired from the flight." Souichi muttered. No…this is something else. And I still don't know what I'm supposed to say to Morinaga.

"You know you can always come back after you've rested to get Morinaga-kun," Kondou offered, patting Souichi lightly on the back. "I still can't believe he's the idiot kouhai! What are the odds?"

Souichi huffed, his heart racing. "Yeah, really."

Kondou tilted his head and inspected Souichi carefully. "My mother always said it was best to get the hard things out of the way first when they're stopping you from reaching your goal. Somehow I get the feeling this will be difficult for you to do, although I personally find Morinaga-kun to be very pleasant. I'm sure he'll come back to Japan with you, if that's your goal. You have your own brand of persuasiveness, Tatsumi-kun, and I daresay it's rather effective." Kondou smiled.

Heart racing entirely too fast for his liking, Souichi nodded and started to walk to the laboratory doors. He's right. I just have to go in there, face him, and spit it out. And really, since when does Morinaga ever win a fight anyway? I'll make him come back. And then I can stop feeling so… He shuddered, not entirely sure he preferred his now frantic heart over his aching one.

Each footstep toward the building felt as heavy as lead, but within a few tiring seconds he was standing outside the doors of the building, regarding his flushed reflection in the glass of the doors. Souichi gulped and pulled open the door closest to him. He couldn't recall feeling this worked up over anything in his life; not in the eighth grade when he presented a science project he had made to the entire student body; not during his first year of university when he was called in to talk to the Dean, thinking he was going to be ridiculed, but instead was congratulated for his outstanding marks….he had never felt this nervous. Souichi felt his hands form shaky fists from the embarrassment of it all; he was Souichi Tatsumi! Notorious for being like hard like a stone, fixed in his ways and as brutal as a tyrant!

Morinaga…I hate what you do to me.

Souichi snapped back to his senses at the sound of textbooks falling to the ground, the pages making muffled flipping sounds against the tile floor. He raised his head to see what caused the noise, and his breath caught in his throat. Blood rushed into his already flushed face, and his heart throbbed mercilessly in his chest as his eyes took in the sight before him.

"…Sempai?"

Chapter 4

Souichi stood frozen as his eyes frantically absorbed the shocked appearance of his kouhai, who had just turned the corner into the entrance hallway. Morinaga gaped at Souichi, his hands trembling as his mouth opened and closed wordlessly. He had massive bags under his eyes, as though he hadn't slept in days. Souichi felt Morinaga's gaze on his body like a hot iron to the skin; the places his eyes roamed were blisteringly warm and Souichi felt a violent urge to make him stop looking. At the same time, Souichi's heart thudded vigorously in his chest - a bittersweet relief to the agony it had been feeling for the past few months. Just as Souichi had been fearing moments before, now that he was standing in front of Morinaga he had no idea what to say, or even how to begin. As if reading his mind, Morinaga spoke again.

"Semp-…no, Tatsumi-san, what are you doing here?" Morinaga asked, the fake casual friendliness of the question making Souichi shudder. He looked at Morinaga and tried his best to maintain eye contact, but his courage failed him entirely and he spoke his reply to the floor.

"I came to bring you back..." He mumbled, a flush creeping up his neck and staining his cheeks.

There was a long pause. Souichi managed to bring his eyes from the floor to Morinaga's face after a few heart-pumping seconds, and discovered with dread that the man was staring at Souichi completely expressionless.

"Why?" Morinaga said, the single word question sliding from his lips carrying a weight impossible for Souichi to lift. It felt as though the answer to this question would determine the entire fate of Souichi's trip.

"Because…" Souichi hissed, the pressure flicking on his angry switch, "…because you shouldn't have left! What's the matter with you anyway? Who the hell leaves after a single, stupid fight?! Do you have ANY idea how long I looked for you? Do you have ANY idea how worried I've been? You don't even know what it's been like for me!" He was shouting at the top of his lungs at this point, and somewhere in the back of his mind he noticed that Kondou hadn't come in with him at all.

"But _why_? WHY are you here?! WHY do you care?!" Morinaga shouted, anger and exasperation breaking through his calm and formal façade.

"I'm your friend, that's why!" Souichi snapped back.

Morinaga groaned and threw his hands up in frustration. "I CAN NOT be your friend any more, Sempai! I _left_!" He glared at Souichi furiously, his eyes flashing.

"But….I can't…Morinaga, you're MY friend!" Souichi said through gritted teeth, the familiar lump making its appearance in his throat.

The dark-haired man let out an incredulous chuckle and regarded Souichi with disappointment and sadness evident on his face. "Look, Sempai. I don't know how you found me, but you need to go. I don't want you in my life any more. All I do is get hurt around you, and to me, it's an unfair deal. Please go home, Sempai, and don't come back…." Morinaga looked deeply into Souichi's eyes for a moment before breaking the contact and stooping over to pick up his dropped books. Souichi stood frozen once again as Morinaga adjusted the books on his arm and took off back around the corner, the white of his labcoat making a bright blur as he disappeared from Souichi's strangely watery vision.

Somehow Souichi found himself doing exactly what Morinaga had told him to do—he went away. He stumbled back outside, his eyes and chest burning as he walked back to Kondou's car. The man was leaning against it with his hands in his pockets, staring off into space. When he noticed Souichi dragging himself over to the car, face wet, Kondou leapt from the vehicle and wrapped a cautious arm around Souichi's shoulders.

"Tatsumi-kun….are you all right?"

"Damnit, Kondou, do I LOOK all right?" Souichi said, his voice cracking embarrassingly on the last word.

Understanding that some things are better left unsaid, Kondou helped Souichi into the car, and with a little prodding as to where the building was located, drove the failed man to his hotel.

XXxxXX

After spending an unnecessarily long time in the shower and smoking half a pack of cigarettes with a shaky hand, Souichi was laying on his hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling fan above him. With each lazy spin of the blades brought Morinaga's harsh but true words floating through Souichi's mind. There was something there, something that was preventing Souichi from letting Morinaga go. _He's my friend. And he's a damn good lab partner. Naturally I wouldn't want to let go._

But these thoughts didn't quite match what he was feeling in his heart, and he knew it.

"Fuck." Souichi rolled over on the mattress, and clutched at the pajama fabric covering his chest. _Why can't this feeling go away? Sometimes I wish my heart could have coherent thought! Maybe then I could understand what it's trying to tell me…._

He thought back to the moment a few hours before when he first spotted his kouhai standing shocked and hurt in the university entrance. The heat that the mere gaze of Morinaga had brought to Souichi's skin bothered him the most. _Was it just because I was embarrassed to be begging him back? No...I was embarrassed because I had nothing to say, not because of what I was _trying _to say. _He huffed and rolled over onto his stomach, his pyjamas getting twisted from the motion. _Why is this so difficult? Why can't there just be a straight answer?!_

Souichi was used to dealing with things in terms of science. Everything had a straight path. Everything had its own natural course. _But this heart shit…these feelings…this whole subject needs its _own _fucking textbook!_

The look on Morinaga's face when Souichi didn't give him the right answer….it was that _look. _Souichi couldn't handle it. It pissed him off, it made him guilty, and it made him want to erase that look no matter what the cost. The problem was that Souichi didn't know how to do so, and ended up getting flustered and mad because of it. This naturally made things difficult for Morinaga, who had no way of interpreting Souichi's words in that manner.

"Argh! This is so messed up!" Souichi snapped into his room, feeling acutely the lack of the warm and familiar embrace that had somehow soothed his tired heart and mind on so many occasions.

Cold and irritatingly alone, Souichi fell into an exhausted slumber, his arms wrapped around his quivering chest.

When he came to he was standing on that familiar path in the sunlit park, the sounds of tweeting birds entering his ears like a comforting balm. Souichi walked down the path as he so often did in his dreams, admiring the foliage and the earthy smell that surrounded him. All too soon, or so it seemed, he came across the typical intruder in his park.

Instead of merely being a foot designed to trip Souichi on his way, Morinaga now stood full bodied in the sunlight, a large and impossible obstacle. Souichi gulped and walked forward until he stood a few feet away from his dream-kouhai, his palms getting annoyingly sweaty. Morinaga looked down into Souichi's face, a smile on his lips.

"Well, Sempai, have you figured it out yet?"

"I don't know, Morinaga. I want you around, but you don't want to be around me. So why are you here?"

Morinaga shook his head lightly, the smile still etched on his face. "Sempai, it's more the other way around, I think."

Souichi snorted. "It is not! I came to get you, didn't I?"

"Sure, but with half-hearted intentions. You want to be my friend, it's true. But what else, Sempai? Could you be with me without…" Morinaga leaned forward and placed a hand on Souichi's chest, his fingers lightly grazing across a nipple under the fabric of the shirt that covered it. Souichi's pulse fluttered immediately at the contact, and he flushed in embarrassment.

"Yes, because that kind of stuff is just too weird! I'm not a homo!"

"Also true. But something you tend to overlook is how much you enjoy physical contact with _me._ Sempai, at this point it's useless to deny that you're attracted to _me_."

Souichi took a surprised step backward. "Wuh…I…" He gulped once again. "_Fine. _I don't…I don't _mind _it when we do...that stuff. But that's not what you're asking of me, is it?"

Morinaga shook his head, his smile getting larger. "No, Sempai. Now, think. Since you're not a homo, what _other_ reason might you enjoy doing those things with me? Be careful, Sempai, and don't let yourself get too worked up…You might miss what we're aiming for here."

True to his word, Souichi started to boil over the insinuation Morinaga was making about his feelings, but he did his best to remain calm and think. _Okay, I admit I enjoy…sex…with Morinaga. But I'm not gay. How can this work? I don't-_

Entirely by surprise, Souichi was absorbed into a flashback. It was hot and sweaty… the lights were off…there was weight over his naked body as he was stroked and touched. Dark hair was falling into his eyes as breathless words were whispered into his ear, over and over:

"Sempai, I love you. I love you, I love you…"

All of a sudden, there was something reached. With a shuddering gasp, Souichi was brought out of the memory and back into his dream. He stood wide-eyed and gasping as Morinaga stood jubilant and triumphant, pleasure etched across his face.

"I….I…" Souichi fumbled in pure astonishment, his eyes locked onto Morinaga's.

"Finally. You've finally figured out what your heart has been telling you for so long. Congratulations, Sempai."

Souichi stood shakily as so many realizations washed over him at once. His knees felt weak, his breathing was hitched. _I can't believe this…_

"What do I do…?" Souichi whispered. He closed his eyes.

"Do what you know is right." Morinaga said, his form a black shadow through the bright light coming through Souichi's eyelids. Souichi felt warm hands tilt his face upwards, and he opened his eyes to see Morinaga leaning is. Pulse erratic, Souichi found himself leaning forward as well. Their lips met with a murmured sigh, and Souichi's dream blew apart.

He blinked and found himself sitting up in his hotel bed, clutching his sheets to himself, sweat building on his forehead. A strange and foreign feeling flooded his body as he contemplated the results of his dream, and he knew that they were right. Souichi flung aside the covers of the bed and swung his feet to the floor. There were words that needed to be said, and Souichi knew just the person to say them to.

"Kondou! Where does Morinaga live?"

"Wha….Tatsumi-san? It's four in the morning…."

"I know that! Where does Morinaga live? And what's his cell number?"

Kondou heaved a tired sigh on the other end of the line. "Honestly, Tatsumi-san, I'm not best friends with the guy. All I know is that he's renting an apartment in the complex next to the university. As for which apartment number or his cell number, I really don't kn-"

Souichi hung up impatiently, and decided the building would be enough. He grabbed his room keys and his jacket before flinging open the hotel room door and making his way outside.

As he breathed in the fresh air of the outdoors, Souichi let out a nasty chuckle. _It's a good thing I booked this hotel room right down the street from the university._

After walking for only a few minutes, he came across the apartment building Kondou spoke of. It stood looming in the darkness of the almost morning, the windows flat black, minus the two or three lit apartments here and there. Souichi gulped and walked forward until he reached the front entrance, then stopped and stood before the door as he realized it wouldn't just open for anyone. Sure enough, when he tried the handle it remained firmly locked.

_Hmmm. I could just always nab him tomorrow at the university. _But as Souichi peered in through the door window at the faintly lit corridor inside, he realized that that wasn't going to cut it. _I need to get this over with as fast as possible. _

Souichi stood back and let out a frustrated sigh. "How do I get a hold of you, Morinaga?"

It took a few irritating minutes of foot-tapping before Souichi realized there was an intercom system on the wall adjacent to the apartment entrance. Of course, that would only work if….

"…I called each apartment until I reached Morinaga." Souichi let out another evil chuckle, and cracked his knuckles. _I'll start from the top. I know Morinaga has a thing for views, so I bet he chose an apartment on the highest floor. _

Souichi pressed the first button on the list of ten rooms for the floor, and shouted into the box "MORINAGA?"

There was a pause, and a female voice mumbled through the crackling speaker. "…Who? What's with the yelling?"

Souichi ignored this and tried the next button. "MORINAGA?"

Again another pause followed his aggressive question. This time a male voice spoke up, sounding annoyed. "Who the hell is this? Do you have any ide-"

Souichi cut him off and moved to the next button. This process continued on for another five rooms, and each time Souichi got another annoyed person on the line who wasn't his kouhai. But then, on the eighth room:

"MORINAGA?"

"…._Sempai?_"

Souichi jumped and let go of the button. "Ahh!" He quickly pressed it again and snapped into the intercom: "I finally found you! Let me up."

Souichi heard a strange, hitching sigh on Morinaga's end, and then: "I really don't want to, Sempai. Please, please just go and leave me alone."

"No. Let me up, now. There's something I need to say. There's something I have to…Look, there's just _something_, okay?"

"Honestly," Morinaga said, his voice sounding oddly thick, "I don't think I want to hear it."

Souichi growled, his temper beginning to flare. "Oh, you do. Open the damn door, Morinaga, or I'll bust it in."

Something in Souichi's tone must have gotten to his kouhai, because the next thing Souichi heard was the buzzing sound of the door unlatching next to him. Souichi quickly glanced at the room number of the button he had pressed, tore open the door and ran inside. He located the staircase in the semi-darkness, and sprinted up two flights until he reached the third floor.

_I was right. He _would _choose the highest floor to have an apartment in. _Shaking his head, Souichi slowed down to a brisk walk and read the numbers on the doors of the rooms as he passed them. Souichi quickly located the room he searched for, and once there, he took a deep breath and rapped on the door with his knuckles.

Souichi heard a shuffling noise from inside, a hearty sniff, and then the door slowly creaked open. Morinaga stood at the door wearing his clothes from the day before, his face slightly puffy, hair a messy black halo around his head. He sniffed slightly, and Souichi noticed that his eyes were watery.

The older man felt a tug in his chest, both for his kouhai's terrible state, and for the fact that Souichi suspected he was the one who induced it.

"Morinaga…can I come in?"

"I suppose it can't get much worse, so why not…?" Morinaga mumbled, and stepped back to let Souichi into the apartment. Once Souichi was inside, Morinaga closed the door and shuffled away from the other man, choosing to stand several meters away. Souichi breathed in the warm air of the apartment, letting the familiar scent of his kouhai fill himself with courage.

Morinaga regarded Souichi from across the entryway, his arms folded and his expression somber. "What do you want, Sempai?

"Morinaga," Souichi began, looking into his kouhai's sad emerald eyes , "I realized something…that is, I guess I always knew it, but, I only just understood it an hour ago, so, what I wanted to say, I mean, what I should say, is that, well…."

_What the hell am I ranting on about?! _Souichi cleared his throat and tried again. "Okay. When I came to get you earlier, you said no to coming back with me, and I couldn't think of a decent reason other than 'we're friends', but now I found a better one, so…"

The words got jammed in his throat. Frustrated, Souichi looked away from Morinaga's now morbidly curious face and focused on the floor. He suddenly found it very difficult to stand still, and his legs moved his body into frenzied pacing across the plywood. Fingers winding together nervously, his face feeling a hundred degrees warmer than it did a few seconds before, Souichi attempted to keep talking.

"Morinaga, I've been having this weird dream for a few weeks now. I'm on a path in the woods, and you keep showing up, blocking the way. And until last night I couldn't get you to move. I got you to move, Morinaga, last night, because I realized something important. But before that, you asked me in my dream why I felt like shit, and I couldn't really answer, but then I got you to move after I realized that important thing."

Souichi stopped pacing, his face liquid fire in embarrassment. _I can't stop rambling! And it's not even making any sense! Why can't I just spit it out?!_

He made the mistake of glancing at Morinaga's face once again. His kouhai no longer looked like he was about to burst into tears; on the contrary, there was something creeping into his eyes that looked a lot like hope.

"Sempai, what are you trying to say?"

That was the end for Souichi. He knew right then and there that he was not going to be able to say what he needed to. Letting out an aggravated sigh, Souichi slid to the floor and buried his face in his hands in exasperation.

Morinaga slowly walked forward, stopping when he was less than a foot away from Souichi's defeated figure. He crouched down onto his knees, and Souichi looked up blearily to see what his kouhai was doing. Morinaga swallowed, and hesitantly placed two warm, familiar hands on Souichi's shoulders. The older man found himself staring deep into Morinaga's desperate eyes, his throat feeling tight and his heart insecure.

"Morinaga…" Souichi whispered through his choking throat, and something in that despairing word moved Morinaga to slide his hands from Souichi's shoulders to the man's waist. He pulled Souichi toward his body in a tender embrace, his arms encircling his sempai's now shaking torso and pressing it into his own. Souichi let out a hitching gasp, feeling that body envelope his own so easily, so perfectly. He felt his hands cling onto the fabric across Morinaga's back as he pressed the younger man to himself as tightly as he could, and he buried his now traitorously damp face into Morinaga's shoulder. One of Morinaga's hands left Souichi's back and placed itself gently on the top of Souichi's head. Eyes closed, hot liquid leaking from the seams, his voice shaking and breathless, Souichi spoke:

"I…I love you…"

Morinaga's shaking grew from a tremble to a quake in an instant. He cupped his hands on the sides of Souichi's damp face and forced the older man to look into his eyes. "Again. Please say that again."

Meeting the anxious, disbelieving, loving eyes above him, Souichi's already burning face got a hundred times hotter. Somehow, he found the strength to speak the words once more.

"I love you…Tetsuhiro..." Souichi maintained eye contact with the man holding him during his second confession, feeling both sick and triumphant. The hands clasping his face grew still as Morinaga's face slid from desperation to utter joy, his eyes closing and his lips curving upward into relieved and amazed smile. Souichi felt his heart stutter at the sight, and he was glad he was able to rid Morinaga of that wounded, tortured look that had lived on his face until a moment ago.

"Souichi," Morinaga said, his love saturating the syllables of the name and penetrating its owner, "thank you. Thank you so much."

Souichi nodded as best as he could with his face still held by his kouhai. He was embarrassed but felt happier than he had been in months. Souichi knew that this was utterly and completely _right, _and these feelings only intensified when Morinaga opened his eyes and a strange, feral gleam shone through them.

The dark-haired man leaned forward, his face getting dangerously close to Souichi's, causing the older man's heart rate to increase in a different kind of tempo than before. Morinaga paused as his lips brushed his love's, and asked in an expectant murmur:

"May I kiss you?"

Souichi's response was to twine his hand into Morinaga's hair and push the man's head downward, connecting their lips in a hushed sigh. At first the kiss was gentle; careful brushing of skin against skin, slow and meaningful. It wasn't long before this wasn't enough for either of the men, and the kiss grew deeper and more fevered. Morinaga's lips pressed eagerly against Souichi's, and the older man responded with just as much enthusiasm, letting his own lips move quickly with his kouhai's. Souichi felt the warm, moist tip of Morinaga's tongue touch his lower lip, and, his heart racing in that familiar way, opened his mouth to let Morinaga in. _That taste_, Souichi thought through a fog as he let a small hungry moan escape his throat in anticipation. Morinaga tasted his sempai with pure lust, brought on by Souichi's long-awaited confession and the knowledge that what he did was enjoyed by both. He sucked on Souichi's lip, letting his teeth nip softly at the flesh, eliciting another moan from the older man.

Souichi was now trembling from something other than his rampant emotions. Morinaga's desire filled kisses were quickly making him want something else; he felt the massive urge to have this man's hands on his body, to pleasure him in the ways he knew Morinaga could. Souichi ran his hands down Morinaga's chest as his kouhai licked and dirtied Souichi's jaw. Morinaga shuddered when Souichi's fingers passed over his nipples, just as Souichi simultaneously shivered from Morinaga's tongue.

Morinaga pulled back slightly, his breathing heavy and his eyes clouded. "Souichi…the floor isn't going to feel very nice in a few minutes…."

Souichi shivered again at the implication behind Morinaga's words, and nodded in agreement. The two stood up, limbs unsteady on both sides, and walked the few feet to Morinaga's bedroom. Once the men were inside, Morinaga slammed the door closed, and strode towards Souichi, fire burning out the calming green of his eyes. Souichi backed up, his skin crawling, until his calves bumped into the bed and he fell onto the soft mattress. Morinaga moved forward and eased himself onto the bed until his body floated lengthwise over Souichi's, their faces an inch apart.

"Tetsuhiro…"

The sound of his name on Souichi's lips caused the man to groan and kiss those lips as skilfully as he could, his hands finding the bottom of Souichi's jacket. They broke apart long enough for Souichi to shrug off the interfering material, as well as his shirt. Morinaga slipped out of his sweater as well, and soon enough their lips were connected and moving together once again. Morinaga moved his lips away from Souichi's and had them travel down the man's chest and stomach, feeling the skin under them twitch and shiver with each kiss. Souichi felt as though his flesh were on fire; every touch, every caress made by his kouhai was a stroke with a hot iron.

As Morinaga's hot mouth trapped one of Souichi's nipples, the older man gasped and felt himself growing extremely uncomfortable in his pants. He felt the overwhelming urge to be connected to the man pleasuring him, to seal his own words, to make them as valid as possible. He touched Morinaga's arm lightly, and the younger man looked up from Souichi's chest to meet his desire-filled eyes. It appeared that Morinaga understood immediately what Souichi wanted, because his hands went directly to removing the rest of Souichi's clothing. Shoes, socks, pants, and underwear all went sprawling to the floor in record time, and Souichi quickly fumbled for Morinaga's clothing as well. Soon enough there were two sets of clothing on the floor, and the two men were equally naked on the bed. Morinaga reached behind Souichi's head and carefully tugged off the elastic band tying back Souichi's long hair, letting the strands fan across the mattress. He then glanced down at Souichi's impatient and hard member, then at his own. Souichi snaked his arms around Morinaga's ribcage and hugged the naked man to himself, heat seeping into his body at every place their flesh touched.

"Now, Tetsuhiro…do it now." Souichi breathed into Morinaga's ear while the latter ran his hand through Souichi's loose hair.

"Are you sure, Souichi? I haven't even prepared you yet…"

"Yes. Now."

Souichi lifted himself onto his knees, spread himself accordingly, and positioned his body directly above Morinaga's eager sex. He took a deep breath. _I need to feel this. _

Souichi slowly eased himself onto Morinaga, feeling the strange and painful entrance of Morinaga's member into his body, listening to the man's drone of satisfaction. When Morinaga was in right up to the hilt, and Souichi was throbbing with both harsh pain and pleasure, he let out a sigh and closed his eyes. _This is it. This is what this relationship will be, both pain and pleasure. _

Morinaga brought Souichi to him and held the older man to his chest for a brief moment before beginning to thrust. Souichi gasped as Morinaga brought himself inside and out again in heavy thrusts, each time hitting that sensitive place inside Souichi's body. The feeling travelled through his frame and ran into his dripping penis, bringing him achingly close to completion. His kouhai was not at all gentle; it seemed that he too felt the urge to make Souichi's confession truth. Souichi's body was his and his alone. With one final, decisive thrust, Souichi lost his grip on reality. He came with a violent shudder, his nails digging into the skin of Morinaga's back, crying out his kouhai's name just as he felt Morinaga shake and do the same, spilling himself inside Souichi's body.

They remained moulded together for a minute or so, Souichi still gripping Morinaga's back, Morinaga with a fistful of Souichi's hair as they breathed in each other's scents. Morinaga eventually withdrew and collapsed onto the mattress, bringing Souichi down with him. He held the older man with Souichi's back against Morinaga's chest, the two very comfortable.

It didn't occur to Souichi that Morinaga was dating someone until about an hour of content bliss later.

"Tetsuhiro, what about your…boyfriend?"

Souichi felt Morinaga breath out quickly in surprise. "What boyfriend?"

"I overheard these girls talking at the university, about you and your life here, which is how I knew where to find you, and they mentioned you dating someone."

Morinaga shook his head, confused. "I'm not dating anyone, Souichi. It's not like I could have gotten over you so quickly…I love you."

_They…they knew I was listening! _Souichi felt himself getting extremely pissed. Morinaga, clearly sensing the same, gripped Souichi to him all the tighter.

"Forget about it, Souichi! You're here, now, and we're together. That's all that counts, right?"

Souichi gave a jerky nod, still embarrassed and angry. Needing something to take his mind off of those evil girls at the university, he asked Morinaga how he had ended up in Vancouver.

"Well, actually, after I left you I stayed at Hiroto's place for almost the first month," Morinaga began, then stopped at Souichi's gasp of outrage.

"You were at that prick's house? I fucking asked him where you were, and he wouldn't tell me! Although I didn't think you were staying at his place." Suddenly Souichi had a dark thought. "You guys didn't…"

Morinaga let out a huff of incredulity. "No, we did not sleep together. Yeesh, Souichi, give me a break."

"Fine," Souichi said, feeling absurdly relieved, "how did you leave Hiroto's?"

"I wasn't just twiddling my thumbs at Hiroto's place. I was making calls and arranging to come here the whole month. I still don't know why I wanted to come _here_ of all places…I guess part of me just couldn't let our past go."

Souichi felt a stab of guilt, and slipped his fingers into the hand that was by his stomach. "Tetsuhiro, I'm sorry. None of this would have happened if I hadn't been so stupid….Are you planning on coming back?"

"Of course I am! There's nothing keeping me here now that the thing that was keeping me away has vanished, hmm?" Morinaga said against the skin of Souichi's neck, and the older man shivered.

"Don't do that."

Morinaga's hand stroked a path from Souichi's hip up his ribcage, his fingers resting on one of Souichi's nipples. "Why not? What's going to happen if I do?"

Souichi tried to think of a reasonable answer, but was unable to come up with a single excuse not to do what his kouhai clearly had in mind doing again. "That is…I…"

Morinaga smiled and placed his fingers under Souichi's jaw, tilting the man's face towards his own. Souichi turned on the mattress until he faced Morinaga directly, and impulsively threw his arms over his love-struck kouhai`s shoulders. He pressed his lips eagerly to Morinaga`s, finding himself more than happy to let the man take control of his body for another time that morning. With nothing to stop him, Souichi sank into the folds of love and desire, feeling content and completely at home in the arms of his kouhai.

The End.


End file.
